


Always gonna want you back

by bewareofcamels



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-Break Up, Songfic, want you back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 04:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16442771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bewareofcamels/pseuds/bewareofcamels
Summary: They called it a "mental-health" - break over social media, even though it was more of a "Ashton broke up with Calum and now we kind of have a problem band wise" - break!





	Always gonna want you back

**Author's Note:**

> I do not mean to offend Bryana or Arzaylea in any way and their characterisation is purely for plot purposes.

They called it a "mental-health" - break over social media, even though it was more of a "Ashton broke up with Calum and now we kind of have a problem band wise" - break!  
In Calums own opinion he managed the whole situation just fine, thank you very much. Michael, of course, had quite a different opinion since he was the one carrying Calum back to their bus bunks after too many drinks. Luke was still confused about the break up, he felt like he was 5 again and his older brothers were fighting. Sadly there was a very slim chance of Liz ending the fight before the start of Sesame Street. Ashton, on the other hand, wasn't entitled to an opinion, as Michael politely informed him, since this whole thing was his fault.

It all ended or started, depending on your point of view, in London. Bryana was in the picture since a few months at this point and the fandom was very convinced that she and Ashton were dating. She was the main reason for most of Calum and Ashton's fights in the last months. Calum didn't seem to find the reason in his boyfriend of 3 years publicity cuddling some semi-successful Instagram-Model with a pretty fake waist and even faker boobs. He might be slightly biased though.  
They were on the balcony of Calums hotelroom, somewhere in the outskirts of London. Michael and Luke left for their rooms hours ago, to FaceTime their girlfriends. Calum was leaning against the railing, blowing smoke in the dark night, "We need to talk" was all Ashton said as he stood up from his spot on the floor to stand next to Calum. The younger one had waited for this moment the whole day, didn't want to scream at his boyfriend in front of the whole of BBC 1, their bodyguards or even Michael and Luke. He didn't start screaming directly, maybe all the time they spend arguing lately finally paid off, "the Internet feels very sorry for Bryana since you said you're single on Grimmys show this morning" he commented dryly, not looking at Ashton. "You know..." Ashton started, but Calum interrupted him "I know, I know that you are not ready to come out, that you haven't even come out to Harry and Lauren, and I'm okay with that. But" and now he raised his voice, "why do you need to cuddle her, hold her hand. I'm sorry that I can't be her, okay?!". "Cal" Ashton started but got interrupted again "That's the whole point, isn't it? That you can hold her hand cause she is a girl. That it is easy, that the fans somehow accept it cause they can see themselves in her. It is easy cause she isn't me...". "Cal" Ashton's started once again in a loss for words, but Calum already pushed himself away from the railing, away from Ashton, "I am gonna check if Michael is still awake" he mumbled almost inaudible and left the room. Ashton didn't follow him, not tonight and not in the remaining weeks of the tour. It turned out to be living hell for Calum.

Calum wasn't even sure if Ashton was sorry at all, cause he was leaving every room as soon as the older one was entering it. They still goofed around in interviews but as soon as they were back in private Calum distanced himself as far as possible from Ashton, making sure that Michael or Luke separated them.  
Michael was wonderful, he would jump out of literally nowhere if Ashton even looked at Calum. Calum felt bad for all the time Ashton and Michael spend screaming at each other lately but he himself wasn't sure if he wanted to slap or kiss Ashton everytime he opened is mouth. Since he was kinda happy that Michael didn't kiss Ashton, he was more than okay with his best friend screaming at Ashton. 

They were all happy when the tour ended 2 months later in Melbourne. Luke practically ran from the stage in Arzayleas arms and they hid in Sydney for 3 weeks. Luke tried to keep out of the whole drama, which ended in him constantly looking like elevator music was playing in his head everytime Ashton and Calum had to share a room. Calum suspected Ashton of talking with Luke since he kinda got Michael in their "divorce" but unlike Mike Luke never publicly took a side.

Calum himself took the first plane back to London, needing to be away from Australia and LA and all the memories of Ashton. He hoped that when he would come home to Los Angeles Ashton's key would lay on his kitchen counter and Ash would have politely separated their lives once again. Mali-koa waited for him in London, dragged him around, introduced him to a bunch of her friends, downloaded him tinder and changed his background from a picture of him and Ashton to a picture of a random dog of the Internet. The breakup felt real for the first time back in London and sometimes all he wanted was to call the boys, write a song and cathartically sing it in front of hundreds of people. 

The flight home to LA took him almost 24 hours from Malis to his own door. The Netflix downloads and British Airways cheap red wine hadn't really stop his brain from working and the constant buzz of his phone didn't help either. Brian, Alex and Jack were asking for coffee in the next days, inviting him for parties and he still didn't know how to politely ask if Ashton was coming. He know that the older one was in LA, recognized Ashton's flat in the background of pictures. Back when he first arrived on Malis doorstep he promised himself that he wouldn't look at pictures of Ashton, would stay away from social media. It didn't work out. One night when Mali was out with her boyfriend he even typed Cashton in youtubes searchbar and cried himself to sleep. He still wanted Ashton back, and he might be slightly pathetic now but it felt like he will always want Ashton back. 

They saw each other again for the first time at Alex Birthday party 2 months after Calum landed back in LA, 5 months after that one night in London. Calum went there in the thought that he was safe. Ashton had said that he couldn't come in the group chat, his family was in town. Their friends were still confused that they weren't conjoined at the hip anymore. Some of them were so used to only inviting one of them that Calum missed out on some nights out. Not that he would have gone out with Ashton ...  
He left Michaels and Crystal's side to get another Wodka lemon when he heard Jack "Ash, man, you made it" and he quickly decided to double the vodka in his drink. A total normal decision, not at all influenced by his ex boyfriend. When he saw Ashton through the window of the kitchen, wearing that same shirt with the polkadots he did back in London, Calum decided to take the whole bottle back to Michael, just to be safe. It all ended to be a blur from there on. 

 

Ashton should have known that it was a bad day when he woke up to the sound of his siblings screaming at each other. It was his family's last day in LA and no matter how much he loves all of them, after living alone for so long family life was difficult. He wasn't complaining about waking up to breakfast but his mum doing his laundry was slightly uncomfortable. "Look what I found at the bottom of your laundry basket" was the greeting from his mum when he came downstairs, while she was holding up his rose-shirt, he hasn't worn since London. He should have turned around right there and then, should have gone back to bed. But he was a good son and absolutely, totally over Calum, so he sat down next to Harry and decided to concentrate on coffee and avocado toast. 

"I haven't seen Calum while we were here" announced Lauren after searching through the fridge with a kiwi in her hand. "That's racist" informed their Mum her, while Harry loudly imagined a green Calum. "Cal is busy, I think" Ashton mumbled and hoped that the conversation was over and that the uber to take them to the airport would come right now. "Do you think Calum would taste like kiwi if you kissed him?", apparently the conversation wasn't over for his 10 year old brother yet. Normally Ashton was amazed by Harry's brain and his strange ideas, but he needed all his power to not inform his little brother that kissing Calum in fact tastes like cigarettes, his lipbalm, chewing gum and a lot like home. He was absolutely, definitely not over Calum yet. He wished he could say something, something that didn't sound insane but lately he didn't trust his brain. Right when his phone buzzed to inform him that their uber was there, he didn't say something insane, but decided doing something equally insane: Alex' Birthdayparty was today and instead of bringing his family to the airport he would go there, just to quickly check if Calum was okay.

That's how he ended in Alex kitchen, listening to Brian's monologue and being the only sober person at the whole party. Michael still took his job as Calums guard dog more than serious and even though he hugged Ashton when he arrived, he and Crystal made sure there were at least 5 meters between Ashton and Calum at all times. It sucked balls to say so at least. While he wanted to hug Calum, touch his new short hair and basically pretend the last 5 months never happened, he was forced to do polite smalltalk. Michael even followed Calum to the toilet. Ashton thought about talking Luke into being his own little spy but he was kinda busy with Arzaylea and if Michael and Ashton agreed on something at the moment, than it would be that staying away from Arzaylea was their only chance to stop their constant eye rolling around her.  
The only weak spot in Michaels plan was Calum more than intimate relationship with his bottle of vodka next to him. Whenever Ashton caught a sight of him, Calum practically clutched to the bottle as it would save his life. Till he was suddenly in front of Ashton, looking way too pale. Before Ashton could say something, he was pushed to the side and Calum threw up in the sink behind him. Part of Ashton wanted to either ran away or puke directly next to Calum due to the smell, the other part wanted to comfort Calum. He ended up just awkwardly standing there like he had just seen a ghost, while Crystal patted Calums back and brought him a Glas of water. "Ash, can you call him an Uber?" Michael asked, looking slightly green as well, while Calum threw up a second time. "Babe, you don't want him throwing up in an Uber" Crystal voiced her concerns, rubbing Calum back in little circles. "I can drive, I only had a bear" Ashton offered, trying to be helpful instead of starring at the little bit of Calums back that was exposed over his jeans. Michael opened his mouth, but Crystal was faster "that would be nice!", she put her arm around her boyfriend "Mike, you can go back to protecting Calum tomorrow, but right now he just needs to get home safely." Michael helped putting Calum in the back of Ashton's car, as Calum was busy touching Michaels hair and saying something about Luke and candy. The same moment Crystal closed the door behind Calum Michael turned around to Ashton: "I know it's not easy for you either, text me when he's in bed, will ya?".  
Ashton was afraid of the moment he would get in his car and be alone with Calum, but the younger one was snoring in the backseat when Ashton finished his goodbye to Michael and Crystal.  
It was strange driving back to Calums apartment after not being there for so many months, he almost drove past the building since they changed the colour. If he had never met Bryana, he thought, he would have probably chosen a colour with Cal. He was tempted to literally bite in the steering wheel out of frustration but instead he stoped his car in the drive way. The sudden change of sounds woke Calum up, who even managed to open his door himself. "Ash, it was so funny to drive in the back of your car" he giggled while hugging Ashton who tried to help him out of the car. The older one hoped that he was drunk as well, that he could have nearly as much fun as Calum, instead of regretting probably every single one of his life choices in the last year. "Calum, do you have your keys?" he asked instead while he locked his car with one hand and stopped Calum from falling face first on the ground with the other one. They were greeted with over enthusiastic barks at the door after after Calum finally handed over his keys to Ashton after 15 attempts to open his door with either his keychain or his own car keys. Ashton had almost forgotten that Calum owned a dog now, who was apparently very happy that his owner was home. He jumped up and down while licking Calums ankles. According to fans who asked for pictures of Ashton with the dog, his name was Duke and he wasn't as young as he looked. Carefully to not Step on Duke, Ashton pushed and pulled Calum and managed to actually get him in his bed, where he promptly fell asleep again. Ashton pushed off his shoes, even thought about getting off Calums trousers but he didn't feel like he had the right to do that anymore. Instead he got a blanket from the living room and put that over the sleeping one. Duke never left his side, sniffing him over and over again. Ashton once read that you could choke on your own puke, so he was afraid to leave Calum alone. The spot in the bed, once his own wasn't his anymore, even if Calum still slept on the left side of the bed. Instead he sat down, leaning against the drawer that once contained his clothes. Duke looked at him skeptically like he didn't know what to exactly make out of that blond guy in his owners bedroom. Ashton offered him his hand to sniff on "hey little one" he greeted the dog, who somehow decided he was trustworthy and jumped on his lap "im the idiot your owner probably told you about" he told the dog, who didn't seem to hold a grudge against him. His eyes darted around the room in which he once spend more time than in his own apartment. Their tour posters were still next to the door even though Calum hadn't put up the last one yet. A bunch of clothes were laying on the floor and on the chair and Ashton had to realize that he didn't even know half of them. He wondered if Calum had someone new, if someone else was normally sleeping here with Calum. 

"I'm an idiot" was what he announced while he fell face first down on Luke's couch. "I generally agree" Luke joked "but care to elaborate?". Ashton had left Calums house at 6 in the morning when Calum looked safe and far from throwing up. He pushed himself through 6 coffees and endless scrolling on social media till 11. The earliest he thought he could bother Luke after a night out. "I didn't go after Calum that one night in London" he whined in a cushion. "Ash, we discussed that, you need to talk to Calum", but Lukes words didn't reach the older one as he kept on talking "Did you know that he has a dog now, and shorter hair? And his house changed its colour?". Luke rolled his eyes, glad that Ashton couldn't see him from his spot on the couch. "Ashton, how about you tell him that you've been a big stupid idiot for leaving him? If I have to listen to you once more how you still reach for him when you wake up or the freckles on his back I'm gonna punch something and the chances are high that I'm punching you!"

"You want to do what?" Was the first thing Michael said when Ashton invited him and Luke for the same night. "I want to do some festivals in Asia this summer! Management called yesterday and I think it's a great opportunity to connect with new fans." "You think it's your chance of getting to talk with Calum again" Luke corrected him, opening himself another bottle of beer. "That's the worst idea you've ever had" Michael pointed out, "and you thought wearing that horrible purple shirt to the first bandpractice was a good idea". Ashton rolled his eyes. "Imagine if Calum had been at this band practice, he would have never started dating Ashton" "Hey, I liked that shirt" Ashton said in a last attempt to save the little bit of dignity he had left, but got interrupted by the buzz of his phone in Michaels hand, who just wanted to change the background music, but was now starring at Ashton's phone like he had seen a ghost. "Mike" Ashton said, snapping his fingers in front of Michaels face. "Calum just texted you", Ashton never grabbed his phone that fast. 

_Hey, Mikey said you took me home last night thanks for taking care of me, man!_

One part of Ashton wanted to scream and dance cause Calum had texted him for the first time in five months, another part wanted to just curl himself into a ball and cry on the couch for the little "man" at the end of the message. Before either Luke or Michael could properly react, he took a deep breath and replied. There was no use in them not talking to each other, this band was all four of them, if he couldn't have Calum as his boyfriend, he still needed him as a bassist, as the other half of the rhythm section and as friend. 

_No problem!  
Management called about playing shows in Asia this summer. Luke and Mike are over at mine atm - if you feel okay you could come over and we have a band meeting! _

The reply came on an instant, almost like Calum was waiting for his reply. Ashton imagined him anxiously sitting on the couch waiting for his text, but Ashton also liked imagining Calum naked and moaning his name, so his imagination might be slightly biased. 

_I'm out with my dog, if I can bring him I could be over in 5_

When they rented their flats Ashton loved the fact that Calums was just a walk away. Not that he had spend a lot of time in his own flat. They had somehow spend more than 90 percent in Calums. Since London Ashton spend most of his time grocery shopping hoping that he would run into Calum while also praying to not bump into the younger one. Now the fact that Calum was just 5 minutes away gave him instant Panic.  
Having Luke and Michael over doesn't mean that you have to clean, having your ex-boyfriend over was something very different! As soon as Ashton finished reading the text he jumped up, trying to grab 5 magazines, 2 cups and a shirt at once. "Calum is over in 5, please help me cleaning" he called out in the direction of his friends, while trying to find a secret spot for all the stuff, he even debated to throw it all under his bed. The panic-speed cleaning was pretty successful, Luke just started the dishwasher as the doorbell rang. Ashton stopped in front of the hallway mirror to fix his hair and tried his best to not open the door too overexcited. He had no time to prepare their greeting, it was almost 4 years since they last had greeted each other as friends. Would they hug? Nod very bro-like at each other? Thankfully Calums dog was either immune to the tension around him, really friendly towards Ashton or simply constantly over excited, cause he was jumping around Ashtons feet, greeting him like a long-lost best friend. He bended down to pet Duke before simply inviting Calum in. Michael almost elbowed Ashton in the face as he greeted Calum, apparently he was still against leaving the old couple alone for more than 2 seconds. Duke was busy switching between greeting Michael, barking at Luke and licking Ashton's ankles.  
To say their impromptu band meeting was awkward, was probably the understatement of a century. Ashton tried his best not too obviously stare at Calum, while still including him in the conversation. Calum didn't seem to know what to do with himself in the house that somehow used to be his second home, he was sitting on the edge of the couch like a school kid waiting to be scolded by the headmaster. While Ashton was an overexcited puppy like Duke when it came to the band, Calum normally was wiser, thinking stuff through instead of screaming yes to every opportunity. They used to balance each other out but now they were tiptoeing around each other, avoiding to even think a wrong word.  
Luke was the first one to leave, having the excuse of a 45 minute long way home and girlfriend waiting for him. He hugged Ashton at the door. "You can fix this" he said, before stepping out of the door "you're a huge fucking idiot but so is Calum". Michael sticked around longer, even started to help cleaning up and deloading the dishwasher. "Mike, I am fine, go home" Calum said after Michaels phone vibrated for sixth time.  
"You don't need to help me" Ashton pointed out after they said their goodbyes to Michael, but Calum just shook his head. When Ashton came back into the kitchen, the younger one was leaning against the counter, an old mug in his hand. It had lost the handle somewhere in Europe during their last tour. The once bright picture of the Queen was washed out and barely visible at this point. They had bought the set of four in a tourist shop when they first moved to London. Ashton remembered Calum laughing at the horrible portraits of the royal family on them and Ashton had decided to buy them. It was long before they first kissed but he and Calum had claimed the Queen and Prince Philip for themselves. Somehow the mugs stayed with them, travelled in their suitcases around the world. Luke had his pillow, Michael his stuffed dog and Calum and Ashton had their mugs. Calum had lost his one in Bali, had forgotten it in the hotel room or somewhere. Stupid Bali with all their fights. Ashton always thought it just felt right that they lost one of the mugs there.  
"I got mine back" Calum said, "when I came back after tour, my neighbor gave me the package, said it arrived in March." Calum put the Queen back in the cupboard and closed the door firmly as it would keep the queen and all the memory out of the kitchen. "I" Ashton started but didn't know how to finish his sentence. I don't know how to be just your friend. I am an idiot. I still love you. I never liked Bryana, she was just a friend. I should have stopped you in London. I should have followed you. But instead of saying all those things Calum needed to hear, Ashton kissed him, cause Calum was there in his kitchen and if the cup could find his way back, maybe they could as well. Kissing Calum was a bit like coming home for Ashton. It didn't matter where in the world they were, Calum was always there. Goofing with Michael on the stage, laughing at Lukes ridiculous jokes, just sleeping next to Ashton in tiny bus bunks or various hotel beds. 

Maybe they wouldn't find back to each other that night, maybe it would be during the rehearsals for the Asia tour, maybe it would be in a tiny hotel room somewhere in Asia. It doesn't matter really cause Ashton will always want him back.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
